Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize