I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
