escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
