I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
