remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
