Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
