not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
