That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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