Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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