I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
