Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
