The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
