I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
