Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
