you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
