Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I know her cup size but not her name....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
