all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
