Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
