at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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