So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
