i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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