He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
