So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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