i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
