To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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