I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
