are you still at the devil's house?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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