You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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