Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have tasted many bathrooms
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
