Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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