no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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