im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
