so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
