Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
