I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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