onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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