the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
