I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
