Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
