I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
