Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
