My brain says no but my pants say off.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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