"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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