do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
