Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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