I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
