i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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