cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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