Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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