I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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