I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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