And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
