my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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