brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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