No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize