Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
