are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize