Life is so much better after having sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
