that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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