and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
