my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize