I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
