Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
