Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
