the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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