just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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