I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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