Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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