I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
